Originally Posted on May 4, 2006 on Foxsports.com
The News Report: Joe Gibbs Racing reports that rookie Denny Hamlin gashed open his hand at Lowe's Motor Speedway after testing yesterday. He was reportedly engaged in a foot race around the hauler when he clipped a piece of chrome causing the injury. Hamlin pointed out that despite the injury, he won the race. He will be able to race on Saturday.
However, I believe that this story has been cleaned up a bit for the masses.
Here is what really happened:
Kyle Busch was celebrating his 21st birthday in the victory lane area. Kyle's brother Kurt and his fiancee Eva Bryan baked Kyle a cake. Well, actually they bought it at Food Lion.
During the celebration, Greg Biffle's boxer, Foster, ran into the festivities chased by Nicole Lunders, Biffle's girlfriend.
Foster ran behind Kyle, pushing him face first into the cake. When Kyle came up out of the cake, he spit cake down the front of Bryan's shirt. An upset Bryan proceeded to yell at Lunders who had stopped chasing her dog because she was laughing so hard at what had happened. Naturally, Bryan was even more enraged at all of this, so she grabbed Lunders' hair.
Humpy Wheeler, the President of Lowe's Motor Speedway, was attending the Busch party. He was shoved by Lunders and Bryan in their skirmish off of victory lane into Tony Stewart, who was walking by carrying his monkey, MoJo.
Stewart caught Wheeler, but dropped MoJo, who promptly ran off toward the garage area. MoJo caught up to Foster, and jumped on his back. Stewart and Lunders, who had extracted herself from Bryan, chased the fleeing animals. Kurt and Eva ran after Stewart and Lunders because they blamed them for ruining Kyle's party. Kyle, meanwhile, was crying inconsolably in victory lane.
As Stewart and Lunders crossed the first garage, they ran into Kevin and DeLana Harvick and knocked them down. Stewart yelled apologies and commented that Kurt Busch was chasing him. Harvick had barely gotten back on his feet when Kurt Busch ran into the garage. Harvick, upset that DeLana's white pants had gotten oil and grease on them, body slammed Busch as he attempted to run by. When Busch tried to get up, Harvick grabbed his ear and wouldn't let him. Eva decided DeLana could hurt her, and instead suggested that they go shopping for a new shirts and pants.
Foster and MoJo continued toward the Joe Gibbs Racing Haulers. The crew members from the three teams had been packing up to leave. Denny Hamlin was talking to Greg Zipadelli. Stewart, who was getting tired, Lunders, Foster and MoJo ran by. Stewart stopped, collapsed and gasped for breath. He pleaded for help catching MoJo. Zipadelli declined as he was watching his son and daughter, but Hamlin agreed to give pursuit.
Foster ran over to the #8 hauler, looking for Dale Jr's dog, Killer. Apparently not finding what he was looking for, he ran on through the garage and then turned back to the Gibbs haulers.
As Foster raced by the Gibbs Hauler, MoJo jumped off his back. MoJo saw a DLP HD TV playing a video clip of Stewart, so MoJo naturally tried to jump into the televised Stewart's arms. At this point, Kyle Busch was stumbling around, still upset, trying to find his team.
MoJo's delusion became apparent when he pulled the TV out of its mounting and off the pitbox it was located on. All this occurred as Kyle walked by.
Hamlin tried to catch the TV and shoved Kyle out of the way, but the TV gashed open his hand instead. And the huge TV landed squarely on Kyle Busch's left foot. MoJo lost his footing and landed on Kyle's head, screeching.
Stewart, having recovered somewhat from his run, grabbed MoJo and began lecturing Busch on how he was celebrating his 21st birthday in an irresponsible manner. Or at least, Stewart was until he saw the blood from Hamlin's hand and fainted.
Kasey Kahne had been watching in amusment while Stewart lectured Busch. Kahne tried to catch Stewart, but ended up underneath him instead. Kahne hit his head on the pavement and blacked out.
In the end, Kyle Busch, Kurt Busch, Wheeler, Lunders, Bryan, Hamlin, Stewart, and Kahne all ended up at the emergency room. Doctors found minor bruises on the Busch brothers, Lunders, Wheeler and Bryan; Stewart had nothing wrong with him, Kahne was fine given his Talladega injuries, and Hamlin had stitches.
All parties agreed it would be less embarrassing if Hamlin were the only one who reported injuries. Nascar is now considering banning wives, girlfriends, pets and HD TVs from the garage area.